A few jokes by Jim

Children are afraid of clowns because of the excessive makeup. However, kids still seem to like watching "American Idol" with Ryan Seacrest.

Hillary Clinton says she would prefer to compete on "Dancing With the Stars" to any other reality show. Right now she is more concerned with making Barack Obama "The Biggest Loser".

Spider-Man's marriage has fallen apart after more than 20 years in the latest Marvel Comic. Apparently he ignored his wife and spent too much time on the web.

Scientists in Hungary say they have developed a "dog translator" that can decode dogs' barks and growls. So far they have come up with several translations, including "I'm going to smell that other dog's butt", "I need to get a drink. Where's the toilet?" and "I've only slept 12 hours today. Time for a nap."

A Canadian woman underwent surgery to stop her from having seizures every time she listened to her favorite music. In the 70s we called that "dancing".

Lindsay Lohan will have to work at a morgue as part of her sentence for DUI. She will be taking care of several stiffs at a time. Or as she likes to call it, "Saturday night".

A Kentucky woman has been arrested for trying to kill her husband by putting rat poison on a McDonald's McChicken sandwich. Apparently the sandwich by itself was just a little too slow.

Homeland Security Secretary Michael Chertoff wants tougher ID rules for people entering the U.S. from Canada. Along the Mexico border, guards have been instructed to yell "Hey you!" a little louder.

Former World Chess Champion Bobby Fischer died at age 64. He became interested in chess at a young age, and later exhibited signs of mental illness. The first symptom was an interest in chess at an early age.

Former Yankee Manager Joe Torre says nothing made him suspicious about either Andy Pettitte or Roger Clemens concerning performance enhancing drugs. Could it be on account of their combined 21-15 won-loss record along with ERAs of more than 4.00? That doesn't scream steroid use. That sounds more like too many hamburgers.

More Jokes By Jim