Laws of life

Law of Mechanical Repair: After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch or you'll have to pee. 
Law of the Workshop: Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner, even if it is square. 
Law of Visual Probability: The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 
Law of the Telephone: If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal. 
Law of the Alibi: If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tire, the very next morning you will have a flat tire. 
Variation Law: If you change traffic lanes, the one you were in will start to move faster than the one you are in now. 
Law of the Bath: When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 
Law of Close Encounters: The probability of meeting someone you know increases when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. 
Law of the Result: When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. 
Law of Bio-mechanics: The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach. 
Law of the Theater: At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. 
Law of Coffee Temperature: As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. 
Law of Lockers: If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. 
Law of Rugs/Carpets: The chances of an open-faced jelly sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the cost of the carpet. 
Law of Logical Argument: Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. 
Brown's Law: If the shoe fits, it's ugly. 
Oliver's Law: A closed mouth gathers no feet. 
Wilson's Law: As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. 
Law of Location: No matter where you go,  there you are!

Thanks Donnie Mac